Are Chris Brown and Rihanna Pushing Our Buttons? Communicate to Come Clean

Have you witnessed or directly experienced violence or spousal abuse? With a daily dose of Chris Brown and Rihanna in the news, the topic of violence towards women seems to be pushing a lot of our buttons and is providing an opportunity for many of us to come clean. It's being discussed on all the talk shows - Oprah warned Rihanna that any man who hits once will hit again. On CNN, a panel of men agreed that this is a man's issue as much as a woman's; that it's not just about being a victim who needs to learn to keep herself safe but also about being a victimizer who needs to learn to control rage. I just read on AOL news that Cover Girl may drop Rihanna as a result of her returning to her relationship with Brown. What does our fascination reveal about us? For me, it says that we CAN have an open conversation about a once forbidden subject. The internet allows us all to participate. Then, because it's pushing so many buttons, it begs the question, "Who experienced violence or abuse growing up in your homes, schools and communities?" Remember when people were coming out of the woodwork to acknowledge they had been molested as children and teens by their priests? This was a cathartic cleansing for the Catholic Church. Now the Chris Brown-Rihanna conversation is bringing up another opportunity for us to acknowledge and release our demons. And to take greater responsibility for our results. I grew up in a household effected by the violence of war. The repurcussions circulated through our lives as emotional, physical and verbal abuse. Since then, there have been discussions, forgiveness and declarations of love - but does the onion ever stop unpeeling? I've been working on myself a long time, but this Chris Brown - Rihanna conversation has brought it all up again. What are your experiences and what is your take on what is happening? Please comment below.

The Power of Presence - Not an Act but a Habit

Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit." Orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Duke Ahn, embodies Aristotle's insight. For my Tip of the Month, I want to share about the Power of Presence, which has everything to do with what we have repeatedly been doing and is either working for us or not. When I met Dr. Ahn, he had come to my hospital room the night before surgery to answer any questions I might have. As he sat next to the bed facing me, I had only a couple of questions. But while he described my injury and his plan for the surgery, my questions began multiplying, tumbling out of me one after the other. His responses were direct and detailed in content, his tone soft and steady. Being in his presence was somehow drawing more and more questions out of me and we were in a living partnership of give and take. Dr. Ahn's years of study and practice didn't just emanate passively and non-verbally from him. They acted like a catalyst and a magnet on me. When he left, I was confident that my leg and I were in the hands of a meticulous, masterful surgeon. The next morning, as I was wheeled into surgery, I looked forward to being in his reliable hands. The proof is that I'm walking now (the injury had been called "devastating") and several other unrelated doctors and therapists have commented on the exceptional appearance of my surgery. The results were planted before my surgery took place, during Dr. Ahn's years of meticulous attention to details, and they gained momentum during that hospital visit. So to wrap up, we can all ask ourselves, what is the nature of our presence? What is the effect we have on others? By weeding out what isn't working and repeating what is working, we, like Dr. Ahn, can have a more powerful presence. Please comment below. http://www.greaterlongbeachortho.com/

The Art of Listening As a Slow Dance

Breaking my leg in Oct 09 has been a huge pattern interrupt, testing my own and my family's adaptilibity and determination and also exposing me to the medical world. After I was released from the hospital, I began treatment at Dr. Ahn's office, where Steven was his assisting nurse. His manner was gentle, warm and quiet. I instantly felt connected to him. The day arrived when I was ready for the staples that had closed my wound to be removed. There were 20-some of them and as you can imagine, this was not easy or pain-free; but all I can say is that Steven slow-danced with me. His touch was gentle with a soft healing vibration that warmed my skin. He listened when I asked him to stop or said I needed a break and he allowed me to lead him. He didn't resist me and he wasn't in a hurry; he took his time. For me, it was the empowering experience of being heard without judgment and of having perfect rapport. Who Steven was being was the listening and that's why I continue to remember him with deep appreciation. This is a powerful reminder for someone like me to switch from "Ready, Fire, Aim!" to "Stop, Look and Listen" instead. And slow dance. I love this metaphor of listening as slow dancing and can use it. On a scale of 1 to 10, where do you fall in your listening as a slow dance? Please comment below. www.greaterlongbeachortho.com

BookEnds Has Workshop for "Reader-Leaders!"

I love teaching! It connects me with so many amazing individuals, such as Robin Keefe, the beautiful and vibrant President and Founder of BookEnds, a non-profit organization about "Kids helping kids for Literacy." Robin and I met at UCLA Extension 10 years ago. In this photo, she's standing behind me and we're surrounded by some of BookEnds' "Reader-Leaders." This group ranges in ages 7 to 15 and we've just had a public speaking workshop. I was astounded by their knowledge, sophistication and performances!

Since 1998, BookEnds has donated 1.5 million books to children, libraries and schools. Research on literacy shows that access to books impacts children's ability to read, their comprehension, spelling and vocabulary. So now, Robin, her Board and the Reader-Leaders of BookEnds are committed to bringing Los Angeles up to the national average of books per students. Their goal? 7 million books! If you're a book lover, find out how you can help by going to http://www.bookends.org/.

Where Have I Been? There Are No Accidents!

This blissed out picture was taken during the last session of "Public Speaking for Professionals" at UCLA Extension in Dec 08. I've got a broken leg inside that big Darth Vader boot and had recently come from a transformational hospital experience, in which I got, at my core, that the universe loves and supports me. I also saw how several inner conversations echoing through my mind - some for decades - had come together to create the accident I had. And there was a note of drama when I thought I might not get to vote for President but- did you know, there is a system in place that allows for hospital patients to vote at the last minute? It was one more occasion for me to count my blessings. All in all, this has been an unforgettable experience of insights, allowing others to serve me (my husband - a gem -drives me to my classes!) and for nature to take it's always dependable course. Now I'm almost ready to walk and drive again and my husband is perhaps even more thrilled than I am!

My Article Selected for Heart of a Woman Book Series

"Being the Right Person in the Right Place at the Right Time" was selected by Sheryl Roush of Sparkle Presentations to be included in her latest Heart of a Woman in Business. I was first introduced to Sheryl when she gave a presentation in the "Speak Your Way to Wealth" seminar and she really did sparkle. I loved her joy, her generosity and, I guess you could say, my heart went out to her. Her newest Heart of a Woman book is filled with personal stories to empower women in business - stories that other women have written about how creativity, hard work, intuition, inspiration and even a few lucky breaks played roles in their success. Be sure to explore this and Sheryl's entire Heart of a Woman series at www.heartbookseries.com. And find out what it takes to be "the right person in the right place at the right time."

Signing in the Midpoint Booth at the Book Expo America

It's the huge Book Expo America and this year it was at the Convention Center in Los Angeles. Yeahhhh! My distributor is Midpoint Trade Books and here I am in the Midpoint Booth with Laurie Little, the Executive Assistant who first contacted me about being a client. A graduate of Pepperdine in Malibu and a musical theater afficianada, Laurie now resides in New York City. I did a book-signing here which was great fun because I got to meet a flurry of book-industry people and sign their copies of "Speak with Passion, Speak with Power!" Among these were librarians, other authors, publicists and several young men and women who said they were frightened of public speaking and grateful to get my book!

Thank you, Laurie, Julie, Chad, Kevin, Alex and everyone in the booth who helped me out and at Midpoint for everything you've done for "Speak with Passion, Speak with Power!"