Saturday, December 29, 2007

Part 2: Express Your Inner Red Hot Mama and Papa!

In Part One, you looked at zeroing in on your deepest desires and then taking simple but powerful actions consistent with those desires. As you've taken these steps, have you noticed yourself feeling more turned on, alive and passionate about your life? Have you found yourself expressing more of your fire and communicating with more va'voom? This is natural when we're living a life we love.

3 - Transform Limitations
But if not, perhaps you've found yourself shrinking from taking new actions. This is not unusual and it's important to notice the internal conversations that are stopping you, such as "I have a full-time job and a family and don't have the time or energy!" Red Hot Mamas can have full time jobs and families and that's part of their being fully expressed. I know an attorney with two young children who goes to the gym every morning and is the president of her professional organization. She does everything with gusto and is a heckava Red Hot Mama!

But if your fire is languishing and you're frustrated, then who you must be is someone who takes charge of her time; what you must do is claim some minutes to sit quietly with yourself and make the lists; and what you can have are the completed lists and clarity about what floats your boats. These are Red Hot Mama-in-the-making actions.

You also want to be aware of any inner conversations about feeling sad, unworthy, afraid or resentful. These are the very thoughts that throw a wet blanket on your inner Red Hot Mama and Papa. It's time to pack these shabby blankets up and throw them in the trash!

You can do this by journaling about your feelings and noticing the beliefs that are driving them. What's behind your fear, sadness, anger or frustration? Were you taught to be a "good little boy or girl", or told you would "never amount to anything!"; are you "nothing," "lazy," "unlovable," "stupid," "bad"? You can remove these labels from your heart and mind by writing them down. Seeing your words in front of you makes it easier to re-frame them and view them as a made-up script , like "Sex and the City", with you as the leading character. But you're also the script-writer and you can re-write the beliefs and judgments that guide your actions. Instead of being limited to "good little boy or girl" or sentenced to a lifetime of "stupid", what would your inner Red Hot Mama or Papa say? "I'm a force of nature!", "I deserve!," "I am, do and have all that I desire!" Invent the ideas that inspire you; then repeat them like a mantra until they're a part of who you are.

  • So first, if your emotions are stopping you from taking action, write them out.
  • Then notice the underlying decisions and beliefs that are driving your emotions.
  • Next, turn these limiting beliefs into powerful assertions that inspire you.

When Oprah was a young woman, she had to overcome feelings of shame about having been raped. By putting herself in front of the television camera, over and over, she changed her internal guilt conversation into one of worthiness. She created an inner environment that, over time, gave birth to the Oprah we know today - the queen bee of Red Hot Mamas! I bet Oprah would say, "If I can do it, you can do it!"

4 - Break Out of Your Shell
Now let's say that you've made your Be-Do-Have lists, you're setting goals and taking actions on your top priorities, you're journaling about your negative feelings and replacing limiting beliefs with empowering assertions, which creates an inner environment for the emerging Red Hot Mama and Papa. Next, check out your outer expression. Step outside yourself to see and hear yourself as others do. Notice how the prior-scripted limiting beliefs show up in your appearance, posture, gestures and movement, facial expression, eyes and voice tone and tempo. Do you still come across as a "good little boy or girl" in your posture, voice and facial expression? Do you perpetually sound "sweet?" Or is "never amounting to anything" written all over a sloppy appearance, careless body language and mumbled words? Does an inner survivor drive you to be harsh, with furrowed brow, edgy tone and angry words? Record yourself, ask friends and be honest with yourself.

Red Hot Mamas and Papas are not stuck with having to be sweet all the time, or macho, angry or any particular way. They're free from rigid patterns of behavior; they're open and accessible, flexible and expressive; able to be firm or yielding; loud, soft or in between - truly a force of nature. If your inner fire is ready to burst out of the box, there may be immediate opportunities near you to free you up - a roller coaster ride, bungee jumping, zip lining or sky diving. Maybe it's time to shake it up with salsa classes, martial arts or belly dancing; and to release your inner power-house voice through rock singing, a stand-up comedy class or Toastmasters. A technique I use a lot in my book, "Speak with Passion, Speak with Power!" is "Be ten times more excited, louder, faster and funnier!" All these will help you break out of limiting patterns, get you breathing more deeply, give you more energy and free up your body and voice - in other words, release your Red Hot Mama and Papa.

  • See and hear yourself the way others do, to determine where you hold back and need to let go. Record yourself, ask your best friends, follow your heart.
  • Begin taking small, out-of-the-box actions to expand your self-expression.
  • Be ten times more excited, louder, faster and funnier.
  • Also swing out boldly (e.g. sky diving) to experience the ecstacy of being completely out of control and fully self-expressed. You'll never be the same!
Joan of Arc was a tender young farm girl until she responded to her inner promptings, donned her armor, jumped on her horse and led the French into battle against the British - a Red Hot Mama extraordinaire!

You too are on your way to living an extraordinary life. By replacing limiting beliefs and rigid patterns with powerful thoughts and actions, you'll experience more of the juice of life, express more of your fire and communicate with more va'voom! Tres magnifique!

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Express Your Inner Red Hot Mama and Papa!

Whether you're a Mama or a Papa, this series of 3 articles is designed to have you experiencing more of the juice in life and expressing more of your fire. This is the first article and was inspired by Lynn Ward of Information about our Podcast and Free Teleclass is at the bottom of this article.

Red Hot Mamas and Papas live the life of their dreams and fully express the fire within - which is why they're red hot! Think Oprah, Joan of Arc, Katherine Hepburn, Erin Brokovich, and maybe your neighbor down the street.

But what about you? Are you fully expressing your inner fire and living the life of your dreams or at least working your way towards them? If not, if your inner fire is sputtering out or burning you up inside because you're stuffing it down, then it's time to make a change. It's time to get in touch with your dreams and to take action towards making them real.

1 - Get in Touch with Your Dreams

I worked with a young woman, Julie, whose story illustrates the power of getting in touch with your dreams. Julie was dissatisfied with her job in the counseling office of a junior college and her head was filled with all the dreams she had abandoned, such as being a researcher for museums or an art collector. She didn't know what she really wanted to do but she knew it wasn't what she was doing now!
To help Julie calm her mind and gain some clarity, I had her make three lists: One was a list of everything she had ever had a burning desire to be; the next was of everything she had ever wanted to do and the last was of everything she had ever wished to have. After she wrote out these lists, it immediately became obvious which items no longer held any attraction for her and she scratched them out. Then she prioritized the remaining items on each list and started researching them, beginning with her top priorities.
As Julie learned what it would take to become a full-fledged art collector or museum researcher, she made the startling discovery that her commitment was not strong enough to carry her through. Then, to her surprise, she started spontaneously appreciating aspects of her real job and noticing the difference she made. In the face of reality, her dreams proved to be pipedreams and died a natural death. But what emerged after Julie's discovery was a promotional opportunity at her job that stirred her desire. She committed herself 100% to getting the promotion, which would thrust her into a leadership role. She felt vibrantly alive for the first time in years and, when she landed the promotion, she was ecstatic and in her element. By finally acting on her dreams, Julie actually got complete with them and awoke to the possibilities available in the life she had created. Her Red Hot Mama was born!

2 - Be Powerfully in Action

Now it's your turn to make lists of everything you've had a burning desire to be, to do and to have.
Make your lists
Cross out the items that are dead for you
Identify your top 1-2 desires (If your head doesn't know, your body will. Choose the items that make you tingle with the most delight!)
Focus on each top desire and ask yourself, "What is one simple action I can take that will move me closer to that goal?"
Take that action, and then another and then another.

Let's say you've had a burning desire to have a BMW convertible. You could start with creating a vision poster with cut-out ads featuring BMW convertibles and then paste your photo behind the wheel. This process makes your vision more real to your subconscious mind, which then compels you to take effective actions. Next, you could rent or test drive one, so your body gets the feel of it and you're seeing yourself inside looking out, which deepens your motivation. You could learn about prices, leasing, buying used; check out the classified ads, on-line options, talk to your mechanic, friends and family, to find leads and tips. You could open a savings account just for your BMW convertible. The point it, these are all simple actions that bring you and the object of your desire together!

Red Hot Mamas and Papas live the life of their dreams and fully express the fire within - which is why they're red hot! So make your lists and be powerfully in action. Notice how life heats up and bubbles over for you. Next time, we'll look at how Red Hot Mamas like Oprah turn obstacles into stepping stones leading to their dreams.

Thank you, Mamas and Papas! I invite you to catch Lynn Ward's and my Podcast, available now on and We discuss letting go of our older, smaller selves to claim our red hot power! Also look for more information about our free telecast, "Expressing Your Inner Red Hot Mama," scheduled for January 9, 2008 at 6pm PST.